The things that (truly) matter

 

I used to like to talk politics—at least when it was a question of policies and principles—but not really anymore. This isn’t so much because there is a lack of policies and principles to talk about, but that most people have abandoned them for various other talking points and ideologies that really are not politics at all. It’s gotten so that, speaking about one thing and another, someone winds up getting really irate about stuff that just doesn’t matter. It signals their participation in distractionary tactics caused by propaganda and the media. It’s especially noticeable when people are still griping about things that aren’t even current anymore: it keeps them from moving with current affairs and thinking rationally. Add to this the many conspiracy theories, moving of goalposts for their own favored politicians, unreasoning support of morally imbecilic candidates (and legislation) and it may seem like Americans have lost our way. 

And these behaviors are pretty much rampant on both sides of the political spectrum, though one side has been made crazy by the craziness of the other side so that it can be hard to tell. The reaction to extremism is almost always more extremism in the opposite direction.

Turning away from politics for public discussion, I have noticed other symptoms of the cultural problems in our nation that show up when discussing other topics and subjects. The inability to change the subject is one of these symptoms. The other is throwing oneself wholeheartedly into just one subject so that it becomes one's entire personality. There’s also a tendency to be so touchy about this preferred topic that it's less of a discussion and more of a lecture, with someone sitting there listening to the tenets and benefits of whatever the other person so loves. It is frankly boring and quite off putting.

People are also really clear about what they don’t like and what they disagree with and they’ll fight about that, too. It’s not just their preferred topic, either. It’s about everything. We can dredge up an entire litany of the things that people are upset about and those things rarely match what actually needs fixing in our nation, but they are up-in-arms, even so. Emotional participation is key, by the way; being upset or angry about something requires less cerebral involvement. All that matters is that we feel angry and we can justify participating in even the most inane ideas.

Righteous anger, especially when aimed in the correct direction, can be a powerful tool. There are things to be angry about, but we mustn’t lose our critical faculties in the process. Politics, religion and other topics that get people ramped up do not require the critical faculties in order to feel like we are participating. We’ve been conditioned by TV news channels and social media to think that, as long as we feel passionately about something, we’re doing all we can. Emotions can also get us being cruel, hateful and even violent towards otherwise harmless people.

We ought to be kind, obey other people’s preferences about pronouns and prefixes and be generally inclusive to people no matter how they look or who they love or which side they vote for. The castigation, verbal and physical abuse, threats, trauma and assault that people have suffered have made them tentative to be open about who they really are. It’s not just for the rest of us to demand kindness and thoughtfulness, but we must also make sure that we are upholding a standard of behavior that reflects acceptance and inclusiveness, both at work and in the rest of our lives. We need to set expectations, too. People have suffered trauma that we don’t know about. It is important to act in such a way that we take that into consideration and, where possible, make an attempt to be accepting of other people. It’s far easier to accept people than to rage against them.

A person’s life is their own. It’s not for us to express what it is about that life that we don’t like. My hope is that if we are accepting and kind it will make people think again about their own approach. Any system of belief that makes us (or requires us) to make a stand against another person’s life is a faulty and failing system. It’s a holdover from our former, primitive, tribalistic ancestors and belongs on the rubbish heap of history. Moreover, deciding that we hate people because of how they vote, how they love, how they live, is a stupid and shameful mindset. We need to focus on the things that actually, truly matter to us.

The things that matter to us; the things that make us who we are, aren’t the things that we are obsessed with. It isn’t the fad diet, football team, political ideology or religious tenets that we profess. No one on their deathbed wants to have had a chance to vote more or watch more cable TV “news” or spend more time on the street corner holding up placards about The End Times. They don’t wish that they had a chance to watch more football with their favorite team. They don’t want the doctor to save them so they can just watch another hour of the televangelist or see the debate. They want to be with their families, with their children, with their parents and they don’t want the TV on or their Facebook open. That's because, when our lives are boiled down, the things that remain are the things that truly matter.

I’m a firm believer that Americans are, right now, burrowing into social media, politics, religion, fad diets, sports, not because those things fill us with actual joy, but because we’re scared. Our nation is going through a pretty heavy, dark time and our natural inclination is to hide from our problems (and our own culpability in those problems) rather than facing them square on, working on them and fixing them. We also—ridiculously—double down on things that challenge our beliefs. It is nearly impossible for us to admit that we were wrong, duped, hoodwinked, led astray. We'd rather lay everything that actually matters to us on the line just to feel justified in an unjustifiable belief.

To actually solve these problems, we’d have to have the maturity to accept accountability, develop skepticism, humility and try to foster acceptance within ourselves. Our obsessive behaviors about religion and politics are not fascinations so much as a reaction to how little control we feel we have.

Even so, our need to feel control, to feel as though our national destiny isn’t in tatters, must not be based on throwing ourselves into these bizarre fascinations. Ignoring the problem, becoming more and more misanthropic, hunching harder over Facebook and cable TV news won’t solve anything. That’s how we got into this mess. Instead, our solution comes from finding the things that actually matter. Regardless of how we worship, how we celebrate politics, how we eat, how we participate in sports or fad diets or social media, we need to focus on who we are as a people outside those things. The corrupting forces, though, have even tried to make those other topics bastions of black-andd-white, zealous thinking. 

Who matters to you? Truly, right now, more than anything? Is it someone you’re not talking to because of personal or political or religious differences? Do those things matter more than your feelings for that person? Isn’t your family member, spouse, child, parent, loved one more important than religion or politics? Do you profess to care about children as a segment of our population? Truly? What’s more important: children’s welfare and safety in our nation or your opinion about a problem that you cannot solve? You can help the kids, but only by putting those other ideas down.

It’s literally this easy. It requires being able to qualify those other beliefs. Many beliefs do not allow partial participation. You cannot love both politics and your neighbor who votes differently from you, but you can love your neighbor and accept that they see things differently and decide that no one really cares what your party affiliation says about it. Heck, it may even be a chance for you to see the world from their eyes. The old Atticus Finch trick. 

At some point—whether it is now, before our nation cracks in two under the strain that authoritarians, crackpots, con artists and thieves have put us under—or after, we will have to pick up the pieces, and try again, either way. I think it will be easier to do now. We just have to try to accept that we, as a species, are all we have and get to the real work of deciding what actually matters to us. We're easily fooled, but as the band The Who said, we have to say, "We won't get fooled again!"

No one is coming to save us from ourselves. It may be that we embark on a new chapter in the coming years, but we can choose to do so as our best selves—with love, humility, kindness, acceptance and a welcoming spirit, or we can decide that our prejudices, our religious beliefs and political opinions are more important than our families, neighbors, communities and our nation.

Sooner or later, perhaps even after it is too late, we’ll have to think about the things that truly matter. 

I hope we don’t wait too long.