Several years ago, when I restarted this blog, one of the first people on my mailing list was my Aunt MJ. I had sent her a number of things over the years (and she to me), and one of her most constant remarks, other than an aunt’s pride or criticism about topics, spelling, format, was that I ought to write a book. One of my short stories, she said, was novel-worthy, and the part that I published was just a really good chapter and would have made a really good book. Flattered, of course, I still had that strong sense of doubt. I can write short stories. I like to read them, too, but I have never been able to muster the same stamina when it comes to working on one big project. I get bored or distracted or lose a sense of direction and the whole thing goes whooey.
A few weeks ago, while chit-chatting and slinging frisbees, my friend Matthew asked me a similar question, “A book?” I replied that maybe I would eventually get to it, but that right now, I felt too jammed up with work, volunteer responsibilities and the many nebulous things that people my age have to think about. I know that they were excuses, but until now, this set of well-worn reasons or justifications has helped me avoid taking that next step into a larger literary world.
Oh, I’ve considered gathering up a few of my short stories and creating what librarians call a compendium or omnibus, but that’s less about composition and more about structure. The stories are written, so they would only need revision and then it would be a process of ordering the stories, an introduction (I excel at those!) and then buying a series of barcodes. I may do it. I have funny feelings about a book of my short stories resting on the shelves here at the library. What if someone reads it? I’m not sure I could survive the event.
I actually think that discomfort—people might actually read my book—is part of why I’m so loath to start one. What people think of me now remains between them and their gods. I’m usually not at the mercy of anyone’s overt opinions. For the most part, I don’t care, but if I write a book or compile some of my stories and they go out into the public, what will people think then? This from the man who, several years ago, wrote a tale about sentient bamboo in a man’s backyard at the behest of the local theatre group’s live radio event. I read it outloud, too. I may not be fooling anyone, but I do have some trepidation. It’s less about what people think, though and the immense amount of work involved. I’m not talking about the actual tippy-tapping at the keyboard, either. I’m talking about the other stuff.
I’ve been working with Micki in her writing adventure for a long time. I have helped set up and tear down from a lot of book events, talks, teas, author invitations, programs at libraries and in bookshops. We’ve done events where she’s the only author. We’ve done huge, regional events where there are writers of every possible level and booths as far as the eye can see. It is a lot of work to market one’s book. It is a tough and sometimes cut-throat realm in which to try to get one’s intellectual property into the hands and minds of the people for whom you’ve written your books. Micki is an amazing promoter. She’s a genius at marketing, so she has real talent and skill when it comes to such things. The very idea of sitting at a booth and trying to get people to buy my book fills me with a level of dread that makes going back to school seem like a walk in the park. I love helping her with her books. I know that she would help me with mine, but I’m not sure I have the wherewithal to actually do it.
And, I ask myself as I turn back and open a long-dusty project that I started years ago that is close to my heart, what's the point of writing a book if you’re not going to promote it? It is one thing to compose, create, and (for lack of a better term) Frankenstein all the little bits of plot and backstory and exposition and dialog and description together into a draft; revise it, fix a bunch of issues, revise it again, get help from a ‘beta reader’, re-vise it again and then upload the whole thing into a self-publishing platform, choose a cover, buy several boxes worth and hand them out to people you hope will enjoy them. It is entirely another to be burdened with the unbearable need to write amazing tales, create amazing characters that come to life when you read them, and try to get them into the hands of people that will love them. A writer these days has to do it all. The odds of getting a ‘book deal’ with one of the big publishing companies is as likely as falling into a black hole, getting sucked out the other end into an English garden with a steaming cup of Earl Grey on your lap and Winston Churchill by your side. It’s not very probable at all.
But Dave, the libraries and bookstores are full of traditionally published books. True! And it is not easy. Sending your work to publishing houses is a nightmare of rejection and failure. If you write a good sci-fi book, they’re looking for fantasy. If you write fantasy, they’re looking for romance. If you’re writing nonfiction, several other “more well known authors’ have written on that topic already. It is beyond daunting. It is actually frustrating. Then they say that to get published you need an agent. So you try to get one and the goalposts move continually there, too. It’s not a fun realm to dwell in.
Then there are the local writers. Almost all of them are wonderful and supportive—a great community to be part of—but all of them are trying to accomplish the same thing as you. Any bit of success that others accomplish can make one’s own dreams feel futile. Any successes that one manages can make others resentful or feel threatened. It hasn’t been our experience often, but it can and does happen. It’s hard to get one’s work to rise above a thick and generally talented base of writers all attempting the same thing.
All of these are daunting to me. You don’t write a book in a vacuum. However, more than anything else, I don’t have the chops to do it. For all that I write on a weekly basis throughout most of the year, none of it could be put together into a book or find other ways to cohere. The fact is, I’m trained to the short format and that’s where I’m comfortable.
Micki swears—bless her—that I’m actually capable of doing it, I just haven’t gotten to the story I want to tell yet. Her most recent series is excellent. Not only is each book a wonderful novel, but the five bind together to tell an overarching tale. She worked hard on them. She dug deep and found something that she really believed in and put it out there to change lives (and it has!). Her books are uplifting, encouraging, and educational. They teach about conservation of the natural world without being preachy. She has managed to create characters that teach lessons, stories that create hope. She’s won several prestigious awards along the way, too. All of these things she says I have the ability to do, but lack the belief in myself to do it.
She may be correct. The reality is I’m a little overwhelmed by the urge to write, sometimes, but I don’t think any of it is really worth the effort to publish a book, even if I had one that rose to the level of long enough to be published.
Aunt MJ did sort of make me promise to at least try. I told Matthew that I might try my hand at it, if there is anything left of my brain when I retire. The old Google Drive is full of partial and half-completed tales. I just get bored with them. “Write something you would like to read,” Stephen King or somebody said. Well, yeah. The problem is that so much of what I write rarely keeps my interest. Sometimes it does, but it is rare. I much prefer the short format for both sides of the coin, anyway. On the other hand, maybe writing a book is like writing a series of short stories and sewing them together. If that is the case, I may be able to scoop victory from the jaws of defeat. We shall see.
In another month, when October starts, I’m trying my hand at a few longer-format stories. One might even come in two parts! Anyway, stay tuned for that, but in the meantime, I’d love to know what you think. Would you want me to write a longer format book? Fiction or non? Let me know in the comments!
